


Coming of Age

by squiddlesandsopor



Series: Coming of Age [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Blow Job, Dubious Consent, Hand Job, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squiddlesandsopor/pseuds/squiddlesandsopor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which John has a birthday party, fun with his friends, and drinks too much. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I owe my moirail a huge thank you for letting me run with her idea. She's the best.

 “No, no Jade! It’s my birthday, I get to answer the door!” John exclaimed as both he and Jade stood to answer the ringing doorbell.

Eyes rolling, Jade sat back down. Bounding to the door John opened it, beaming at Dirk and Jake.

“Okay, now we’re just waiting for Roxy, Vriska, and Jane!”

Ushering them in, John closed the door. This was going to be the best birthday ever, John decided. All his friends surrounding him, movies, party games, and maybe he’d finally get to make a move on Vriska! Yes, John was very happy with how things were going to go tonight.

“Whoa now, calm down kid, little hyper ain’t ya?” Dirk drawled.

“Actually old chap,” Jake cut in, “Jane called me up before Dirk and I left. Said she and Roxy couldn’t make it. They’re terribly sorry about it but some things can’t be helped, now can they?”

“Oh,” John said softly, “Well yeah, I guess.”

Walking back into the living room John flopped down on the couch next to his sister.

“Well at least Vriska’s still coming right?” Jade offered.

Karkat poked his head out from the kitchen, “Actually she’s not, she just texted me and said she couldn’t make it.” He was wearing his usual frown but it softened slightly as he looked at John’s crestfallen expression, “Sorry.”

Everyone, with the exception of John, shared a glance. Obviously today was not going as John had planned, but really what was there to say?

Oblivious to everyone around him John scuffed his feet back and forth on the plush carpet. Minutes ticked by and the mood of the room darkened.

At that moment, when the room felt so brittle it could shatter with the slightest breath, Rose and Kanaya emerged from the study with Dave in tow.

“John,” the name was soft on Rose’s lips as she sized up the situation, “Perhaps you could join me in the study for a moment?”

John glanced up and nodded, standing mutely and walking over to step through the doorway after his friend.

Kanaya joined Karkat as he returned to the kitchen and their voices could be heard, interrupted by the occasional honk, as they began conversing.

Dave leaned against the wall and tipped his chin ever so slightly in Dirk and Jake’s direction as they finally sat down.

“Sup bro?” he asked nonchalantly.

Smirking, Dirk replied, “Not much lil’ man. Where’s that awesome blind-chick girlfriend of yours?”

Dave shrugged, “I don’t know. Probably out licking the swing set or some shit.”

In the study, John sat despondently at the piano. Out of habit he brushed his fingers softly against the cool keys. Rose pulled out his father’s chair and sat gracefully, crossing her ankles and hooking them behind one of the front legs.

“John, look at me.” The tone was soft but held a command nonetheless.

John looked up dutifully, his fingers slipping from the keys, “What is it Rose?”

“John, all these people are here to spend your birthday with you. I’m terribly sorry things aren’t working out exactly the way you hoped, but you should still have a good time.”

“Yeah,” his feet scuffed along the carpet again, “I guess you’re right.”

His lips turn up into a small, hesitant smile.

Rose returned the smile before rising, “Okay then, shall we rejoin our friends? It must be just about time to cut the cake.”

Hopping up as well, John’s smile turned smug, “Actually it’s not.”

“No?” Rose asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Nope!” John was now looking quite pleased, “I told Gamzee I don’t like cake so he said he’d make pie instead.”

As if on cue, Gamzee ambled into the living room, “Aight motherfuckers’, pie’s all cooked and cooled and ready for eatin’. Soon as we’re all up and in this here kitchen these bitchtit candles can be getting their light on.”

Emerging from the study, John’s smile widened. Everyone filed after him into the kitchen. Terezi was already back inside, and standing next to Kanaya. On the table rested not one, but two pies. Each had ten haphazardly placed blue candles. Everyone formed a loose semi-circle around John as Gamzee lit the candles quickly; with a flourish he stepped back into the group next to Karkat. John decided that what followed was quite likely the most horrible, jarring rendition of “Happy Birthday” in the history of forever. Not to mention everyone was singing at a different pace so it was almost a full minute before he could blow out the candles which were threatening to spill wax on to his birthday pies.

Everyone clapped as he successfully blew out all the candles. Although, it took three tries and there were the obligatory ‘Ooh, John has ten girlfriends-you dog!’ and ‘Oops I guess seven of them caught you cheating!’ comments. John just shrugged it off, with only a minor wince as he thought of Vriska. After he finished blowing out the candles he plucked them, one by one, from the pies and dropped them thoughtlessly onto the table cloth.

“What kind of pies are these anyway Gamzee?” John asked.

He accepted a knife from Jade who had grabbed it from her position near the knife block.

“Oh man, ‘kay that one there that you’re all up and cutting is a citrusified gelatinous miracle of tasty goodness and the other one all up and getting it’s chill on is a gooey confectionary delight of sweetness and sauce.”

“Uh…what?” asked John, perplexed.

Karkat rolled his eyes, “What this douche clown is trying to articulate is that one,” a pointed jab at the pie Johns knife was hovering over, “Is key lime, and that one,” another jab, “Is apple caramel. I have no fucking clue as to why that was so damn difficult to say but apparently I am oblivious to the ways of doped up circus rejects.”

Karkat subsided with a slight huff and crossed arms. Appearing entirely unaffected by this tirade Gamzee lifted an arm to ruffle the hair between the shorter troll’s horns. His grin only widened as Karkat snarled at him. Shaking his head John went back to cutting the pies. Within short order everyone had a plate of pie and they all filed back into the living room. Setting his plate on the coffee table John began fussing with the DVD player. The others carelessly draped themselves on the furniture or flopped onto the floor. With a triumphant giggle John hit the play button and picked up his pie before dropping between Jade and Dirk on the couch.

“What are we watching Egbert? Another one of your Nic Cage movies?” asked Dave from his seat in front of the coffee table.

“Oh my god Dave, no! I’m not a kid anymore!”

“Yeah, yeah. Twenty years old, you’re practically an octogenarian; having trouble standing with your bad hip and your hands curled into scary fucking claws because of the arthritis. Back in your day Nic Cage was just a fresh face with a shitty Texan accent in Con Air. Those were the days right Egbert? Simpler times they were, with none of our new-fangled contraptions cluttering the place up,” Dave paused to breath.

Before he could continue John interrupted, “It’s called ‘The Lincoln Lawyer’; it’s got Matthew McConaughey in it. It’s supposed to be a great movie!”

“Pff. Yeah, sure, whatever Egbert. Calm your titties.”

Everyone in the room quieted as the opening credits rolled. A few minutes into the movie everyone had finished their pie and placed the plates on the floor or the coffee table; depending on which was closest. There was the usual back and forth banter and speculation as the movie reached its climax, but aside from that the room was mostly quiet. When the end credits finally rolled John was too busy staring at the screen in awe to do much of anything; so Jade got up and turned on the lights, the sky having darkened over the duration of the evening. As the lights were flicked on there were the usual complaints about not being given proper warning. Ignoring them Jade removed the DVD and after putting it back in its case, she turned to the group with a smile.

“Alright guys, what do we want to do now?”

“Actually Jade, Kanaya and I really must be going. I’m working on my manuscript and Kanaya has an early client.” Rose stood and stretched before turning to John, “Thank you for a lovely day. I apologize for our abrupt departure. Happy birthday.”

 “Thanks for coming guys!” John smiled and hopped up, “I’m glad you could stay for the movie.”

“I had a lovely time too, John. I hope you enjoy the rest of your birthday.” Kanaya spoke softly and muffled a yawn with her hand, “I’m sorry we can’t stay longer but Rose is correct; I’ve had early clients this whole week. Luckily tomorrow is the last of them.”

John bounced over and gave them both huge hugs before walking them to the door. He waved at them from the doorway.

“Bye guys! See you soon!”

After they drove away he closed the door and turned back to his remaining friends.

“So who wants to watch another movie?”

The query was met by a collective groan.

Sitting up from his slump against Gamzee, Karkat stifled a yawn.

“As much as I would thoroughly enjoy ripping another one of your pathetic human movies to shreds this dumb fuck clown and I need to go home too.”

There is little vitriol in the statement, in testament to the small troll’s exhaustion. With a soft, goofy grin the capricorn helped up his tired moirail, towing him to the messy heap of shoes and jackets by the door. With tired fingers Karkat struggles into his shoes and fumbles with his laces. John couldn’t help but snicker a little.

“Geez Karkat! It’s not even ten; you’re such a lightweight!”

Ceasing his attempts to wrangle his shoelaces Karkat glared up at John, “I’ll have you know I haven’t slept in forty-three fucking hours. Fuck you very much.”

Giving up on his shoelaces with a huff he began tugging on his jacket as John’s grin faded.

“I’m sorry Karkat…You didn’t have to come tonight you know.”

Black lips twitched into an almost-smile and the cancer shook his head.

“No,” his voice was almost a normal volume, “I had a good time. Happy wriggling day John Human.”

He slouched his way down the drive as Gamzee zipped up his sweater.

“Had a harshwhimsey of a time motherfucker.”

“Thanks for the pie Gamzee! Good night!”

John stood, waving until Gamzee caught up to Karkat and slung a companionable arm around the shorter troll. He closed the door with furrowed brows. It didn’t seem like anyone wanted to watch another movie and honestly John wasn’t sure what else they could do. There were video games, but he didn’t have any multiplayers. Even if he did two people would have to sit out and that wasn’t fair! His hand had drifted up to cradle his chin as he thought it over.

He was startled out of his musings by an arm, darker than his own, snaking in front of him. It was holding a package that was wrapped in bright My Little Pony paper. Following the arm to its owner John turned to face a smirking Dirk.

“One more present for you kid.”

“What is it?” John asked, taking the box from Dirk.

“Well maybe you should open it and find out.”

John narrowed his eyes at the present, wondering how high the chances of it literally exploding in his face were. He didn’t know Dirk well so he looked at Dave. Dave would know what the chances of an explosion were!

Poker face.

Drat. John should have known better. With trembling fingers, trembling from excitement John told himself, he tore open the wrapping paper. It was a shoe box.

“Shoes?” John asked.

“Just open it kid.”

Flicking his gaze from person to person John noted that all eyes were on him. Except for Terezi’s. She was facing the staircase for some reason.

Unsure of what to expect, aside from maybe shoes in some ironic display that John really didn’t understand, he eased off the lid.

“Oh!” John was surprised by the bottle of dark amber liquid. “Her…haira…do…ra…?”

“It’s Herradura Añejo,” Dirk corrects, “Tequila.”

“Oh.”

“John isn’t legal yet Dirk,” Jade said, “He only turned twenty this year.”

“Oh come on, it’s just one little year. The kid’s legal in Canada.”

“Yeah Harls,” Dave added, “I’m only twenty and I drink. At least here he’s safe you know? Surrounded by people he trusts.”

“I guess.” Jade said, subsiding.

“Okay kid, have you drunk before?”

“Not really.”

“Hmm, I suppose I should have guessed that from Jade’s response,” Dirk said. “Alright, here’s the deal. You’re not doing shots because that would probably fuck you up. What do you have for mixers?”

“Uh…”

Dirk looked at John over the rim of his shades before sighing.

“Okay kid, give me free reign in the kitchen and I’ll mix drinks up for everyone.”

“Alright?”

John was awfully confused by this point. Between an over protective father and an overbearing older sister he didn’t know much about alcohol at all. He’d had a beer or two with his coworkers but nothing fancy. The tequila looked fancy.

Wandering back to the couch John flopped onto the soft upholstery.

Dave rose from his spot in front of the coffee table, extricating his limbs from Terezi’s grip. He perched on the arm of the couch next to John and gently punched his shoulder.

“Sorry about my bro Egbert. He forgets that mere mortals don’t always understand what he’s saying.”

“Are you one of those ‘mere mortals’ too Dave?” John asked with a grin.

“Psh, ‘course not. How else could I translate if I were?”

The room lapsed into silence. Jake had drifted into a light doze and no one really had anything to say. A long minute later Dirk reappeared with six fizzing glasses.

“Tequila slammers kids. Woulda made sunrises but there wasn’t any grenadine,” he stopped when he noticed his sleeping boyfriend, “Hey do you guys got a spare bedroom I can put him in? He was up before dawn for some crazy reason.”

“Yeah, Jake can sleep in the addition,” Jade said, standing.

Dirk nodded and shook Jake’s shoulder lightly.

“Hey there, let’s get you into bed ‘kay?”

“Mmh,” Jake mumbled, “Maybe later old chap I’m too sleepy for such shenanigans at the moment.”

Dirk maneuvered Jake into a mostly standing position with a slight shake of his head. Wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s waist he turned to Jade.

“Lead the way.”

Nodding, Jade headed toward the addition; Dirk following close behind. After a moment they returned, sans Jake.

“Well I hadn’t planned on a comatose boyfriend; Egbert, you can have the extra drink. It being your birthday and all.”

There was soft talk as everyone sipped at their tequila-spiked soda. About thirty minutes later Dirk was back in the kitchen making a second round. He handed the glasses back to their owners and within short order John had finished his third beverage.

“Guuuuuuuuys, I’m boooooooored,” John was lolling against the arm of the couch, “Let’s do something!”

“Jesus Egbert, no way you’re drunk already.” Dave said, rolling his eyes behind his shades.

“Heheheh, what a lightweight!” Terezi cackled.

“I’m not drunk! I’m bored. Bored, bored, bored!”

“John! Really! I knew this was a bad idea.” Jade said with a soft sigh.

On the armchair, Dirk chuckled.

“I know a game kid. Interested in playing?”

John perked up immediately, “Yes! What is it?”

“It’s called the King’s Game.”

On the floor in front of John, Dave stifled a groan.

“Bro, no. Not the King’s Game. You always want to play it.”

“We’re doing this Dave, we’re making it happen.”

“Uh…what’s the King’s game?” John asked.

“Okay, so it’s like this; we need 5 chopsticks ‘cuz there are five of us. We draw a red dot on one and label the others from two to five. Still following?” Dirk paused only briefly before continuing, “We put the chopsticks in a cup and then draw them out. The person with the red dot is the King. Everyone else keeps their numbers hidden. The King commands a number or two to do something and the King’s order is absolute, got it?”

“Um…I think so?”

Smirking, Dirk returned to the kitchen to make another round, as well as dig out three sets of chopsticks and a coffee mug.

After carefully marking five of the six chopsticks Dirk placed them into the mug with a triumphant grin.

“Is everyone ready? Remember, anything the King orders is absolute. It must be done.”

Nodding, everyone drew a chopstick; John, Dirk, and Terezi excitedly, Jade apprehensively, and Dave with the air of a man going to his grave.

After a quick glance at their sticks Dirk chuckled and held up his so everyone could see the red dot.

“Looks like I’m King first.”

Dave groaned.

“Hey now lil’ man, don’t be like that. I’ll start you guys off with something easy,” Dirk said, spinning the chopstick between his fingers, “Now let’s see, number two you need to sit on number three’s lap.”

Terezi gave her chopstick a sniff and then licked it for good measure.

“Well I’m number three, where’s number two?”

“Oh! Um, that’s me,” Jade stood and moved over to where Terezi was sitting against the coffee table, “May I?”

Terezi nodded and Jade climbed into the trolls lap.

“How long is this for Dirk?”

“I didn’t give a time specification so however long you’d like.” He replied.

Without further ado Jade stood up and returned to her spot on the couch. Everyone replaced the chopsticks in the mug, which Dirk shook before placing back on the table. They drew again. This time Jade was the one holding up the red dotted chopstick.

“So I tell two numbers to do something?” She asked.

Dirk nodded, “One or two yes, and they have to do what you tell them to.”

“I think number two and number four should,” Jade trailed off and then shrugged, “number two and four should hold hands.”

Dirk held up his stick which had the number two drawn on it. Dave attempted the tricky 2x facepalm combo but just managed to knock his shades askew. He fixed them before showing the number four on his chopstick.

“Come on Harls, do I gotta?”

“Dave, you know the rules. She’s the king and what she says goes,” Dirk held out his hand, “And we aren’t half assing this either, we’re gunna get some finger twining action going on here.”

Dave extended his hand toward Dirk who closed the gap, clasping Dave’s hand tightly. There was definitely finger twining going on because, as everyone knows, Striders don’t half ass things. It’s full ass or nothing.

After a moment or two they released their hands and everyone replaced the chopsticks. By now they all had the hang of it and when Terezi drew the King stick, she crowed her delight.

“Number three and number five! Sloppy makeouts, go!”

“Come on TZ!” Dave tossed down his stick, the number five clearly visible.

“Uh, I’m not a homosexual though,” John looked perplexed as he showed everyone the number three on his chopstick.

“Don’t care! Makeouts boys, I wanna hear makeouts.”

“Wow, way to make it sound gross,” Dave mumbled.

Finding breath was becoming a difficult task for John. How could he make out with his best bro? That just wasn’t right. Bro’s didn’t make out! What was he going to do? What could he do to get out of it? But he couldn’t, no. Terezi was King so he had to. Realizing he hadn’t been breathing John inhaled deeply and it helped the room stop spinning. Everyone was looking at him with concern. He took another deep breath.

“Hey John, you okay bro?” Dave asked.

Not trusting himself to speak John just nodded. Dave tossed a disgusted look back at Terezi. Of course she would be the one to push the line.

“Okay Egbert, just pucker up. The sooner we start the sooner we finish.”

Maybe it was just the alcohol, John thought as he screwed his eyes shut, but this didn’t seem as bad as he would have thought it would. And then Dave’s lips were on his and wow Terezi has the best ideas! At first it was just a gentle press but with Terezi chanting about makeouts in the background the kiss soon deepened. Then Dave’s tongue was giving John’s lower lip a firm but gentle stroke and John opened his mouth without a second thought. When he leaned into his best bro and moaned he decided he would blame that on the alcohol if anyone asked.

Then it was over. Dave pulled away and John slowly opened his eyes.

“Was that good enough TZ? You get your jollies off watching a man make out with his dorky best bro?”

Snickering, Terezi nodded in assent.

Everyone put their chopsticks back in the mug and Dirk went into the kitchen to bring out another round. Resting his glass on numb lips, John tried to wrap his head around what just happened. He’d made out with Dave. His best bro. He was pretty sure bro’s didn’t make out. If they didn’t though, they should. It was pretty much the most awesome thing ever.

…No homo.

“I have to pee!” John announced.

“Ew, John gross! Just go, we don’t need to hear about it!” Jade exclaimed.

Standing John tottered his way to the stairs. He may have been leaning a bit heavier on the railing than usual, but at least he wasn’t going to fall.

“I don’t know why he didn’t use the downstairs bathroom,” Jade commented, “How much has he had anyway?”

It was a good thing the question was rhetorical because no one answered anyway. Jade rolled the empty cup in her hands and tried not to worry too much about her little brother. He was an adult now even if U.S. law said he shouldn’t drink for another year.

A sudden loud crash startled everyone into looking up at the ceiling.

“Oh my gosh, what did he do?”

“Calm down Harls, it’s probably nothing. I’ll go check on him.”

Jade nodded at Dave, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. Standing, Dave made his way up the stairs, slightly unsteady from the amount of tequila sloshing around in his stomach.

Reaching the upstairs bathroom he tapped on the closed door, “Egbert? You okay in there man?”

There was a thud and what sounded like breathless giggling, although it could be crying too Dave supposed.

“Egbert, I’m coming in,” he reached for the door knob but it wouldn’t turn, “John why did you lock the door?”

“B-because,” John replied.

“You’re going to need to give me more than that John. Better yet, can you open the door?”

“Uh, yeah I can, in a minute…”

“Why not now?”

“Because the floor is really comfy.”

“John, no. Get off the floor and open the damn door.”

There were a few soft scuffing sounds and then a thump against the door as John fell against it. The knob clicked and Dave opened it cautiously. Out stumbled a very drunk John.

“Whoa there Egbert, you okay?”

Dave reached out to steady John, who immediately clung to him.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m great,” John giggled, “You’re really warm Dave.”

“Uh that’s nice. Maybe we should get you into bed, yeah?”

John giggled again and reached up to take off Dave’s shades, “You’re really warm.”

“Uh huh,” Dave tried to free himself a little from Johns grasp to help him to his room. Before he got too far in his attempt though John’s lips were smashed up against his own.

“Ow, shit, watch the teeth Egbert.”

John’s fingers wrapped themselves into Dave’s hair and his lips parted. Dave rolled his eyes before reciprocating. If anyone asked he’d blame the alcohol.

One of his hands grabbed John’s shirt and the other wrapped around the nape of his neck for leverage as Dave put his tongue back to use. John moaned softly in the back of his throat. When Dave pulled away to nibble along his jawline he started panting lightly.

“I, uh, what, what about…” the words trailed off with a small gasp as Dave nipped at a particularly sensitive area on his neck.

“What about…?”

“Mmh, what about Terezi?”

“TZ and I have an open relationship Egbert, didn’t you know that?”

“I, uh, maybe?”

Dave chuckled into John’s throat before towing him down the hall.

“Okay, last stop. All Egbert’s out.”

They had reached John’s bedroom.

“I don’t want you to go,” John crooned the words into Dave’s hair.

“Yo, Egbert, I don’t think you know what you’re saying.”

Hungry lips mouthed their way along the curve of Dave’s ear, pausing to suck on the lobe.

“Stay? Please?”

Dave groaned. That please was what killed him. He tried to reason his way out of it but there were warm lips against the soft underside of his jaw and at the thought of them elsewhere he threw caution to the wind. He tugged John into the room and slammed the door behind them. Almost as an afterthought he clicked the lock into place.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've neglected this for way longer than I care to think about. Sorry. No promises about when the third chapter will be out.

John’s eyes fluttered and he stifled a groan as he was unceremoniously dragged from the cool relaxing darkness of sleep by a throbbing in his brain. Blinking open gummy eyes John tried to remember what happened to make him feel so awful. It was his birthday and there were his friends and pie and Matthew McConaughey and it was awesome and then Rose, Kanaya, Gamzee and Karkat all left and then Dirk gave him…Oh, tequila. Right. That might explain his sorry state of affairs. John wasn’t used to drinking that much.  
He rubbed the palms of his hands against his eyes, clearing them of their morning gunk. His hands fall to his sides and he considers getting up. It’s still too early for that though he decides, despite not knowing the time. And his head really hurts so maybe more sleep will make him feel better. He closes his eyes and rolls over to burrow deeper into his blankets.  
There was something warm in his bed. John didn’t think too much of it, sleepy as he was, just snuggled in closer to the source of warmth. It was odd; it had some give to it and felt nothing like his blankets. When it shifted John’s eyes snapped open. His nose was just centimeters away from a broad expanse of pale, freckled skin.  
Freckles? John thought, Dave has freckles. But why was Dave in his bed? There was nothing wrong with two bros bunking together but the more awake John was getting the more he realized how little he was wearing; as in nothing but his blanket. Face heating up John tried to remember what, if anything had happened the night before. There was the King’s Game, Dave’s tongue in his mouth, then the bathroom and he and Dave were kissing again and then they went into his room and– John cut that thought off as he scrambled out of the bed.  
Rushing over to his dresser he tried to stop the encroaching memories, his thoughts an endless stream of NOPE. Opening the first drawer John grabbed his slime-ghost boxers and an old faded t-shirt. He tugged them on and felt a little better, more decent, less debauched. He turned and with his back to the door watched his bed as though expecting it to engulf his best bro. What was he supposed to do? Wake him up? Let him sleep? Pretend nothing happened? Or would they have to talk about it? John’s mind screamed more nopes at him so he absconded backwards out the door, closing it as softly and slowly as he could. When the latch clicked he breathed a soft sigh of relief and turned around.  
With a strangled yelp John jumped back, the back of his head connecting loudly with his door, startled by Terezi standing less than two feet away from him. Muttering less than pleasant words under his breath John took a step away from his door and rubbed his now tender skull. Terezi chuckled under her breath, much quieter than her usual cackle. She stepped forward, backing John into his door, lips parted in a feral smile. Gulping as the short troll invaded his personal space, John wished he could phase through his door. Any number of awkward conversations with Dave would be preferable to having his throat torn out by those sharp teeth.  
“Terezi!” He said, voice squeaking, “Uh, good morning!”  
“John, John, John,” She said, “What have you been up to? You smell positively guilty.”  
“Guilty?” He asked, worrying his bottom lip with slightly too-large teeth.  
“Why yes John. Guilty.”  
“I’m not guilty! Nope. Not guilty. No guilt. What?” John attempts to side-step the blind troll but she stops him with a nonchalant flap of her hand. Her hand with super sharp orange claws. John’s eyes remain glued on those claws as Terezi drops her hand to rest on her hip.  
“John, I know what you did last night.”  
Her accompanying snicker does nothing to reassure him.  
“I uh…”  
“John it’s okay. Dave and I have an understanding.” Terezi takes a step back and John takes his first breath in what feels like far too long. He really needs to stop doing the not breathing thing.  
“I didn’t mean to I mean I think I did but I mean I never thought I didn’t I asked first and I,” John couldn’t organize words around the throbbing in his skull so he dropped his head into his hands and squeezed his eyes shut, “I’m not a homosexual,” He finished weakly.  
Terezi cackled at that and the sound was a sharp pointy spike stabbing into John’s brain right between his eyes and all the way to the back of his skull. He winced. But it was a manly wince. The kind of wince that requires extreme levels of mangrit to make. Yeah. That’s what it was.  
Terezi had turned and started for the stairs even as John was consoling himself. She paused at their apex to half turn back to John.  
“There’s coffee in the kitchen and I think Jade is making pancakes,” She tilted her face up and sniffed at the air a couple times, “Buckwheat pancakes. Yum.”  
John half nodded which was stupid. It’s not like Terezi could see it, but maybe she heard. John nodded again, to himself this time and turned to the bathroom. It tastes like something died in his mouth and ew. Did he remember to brush his teeth last night? Probably not he decided as he swipes a thick tongue over scummy teeth. Double ew.  
A thorough tooth brushing and three cold glasses of water later John feels a little better. And a hot shower makes him feel marginally human again. When he emerges from the steamy bathroom even he can smell the product of Jade’s cooking; the mouth-watering aroma of buckwheat wafting up the stairs. He glances longingly down said stairs, but the last time he tried to eat breakfast in his boxers Jade had chased him around the house with a couch cushion. Heaving a long, deep sigh he turns toward his bedroom. The door opens and closes softly and John is at his dresser before he remembers Dave.  
Shit.  
He freezes. Maybe if he doesn’t move Dave won’t wake up. Or maybe he already left. Or maybe he’s watching you dork out right now John chides himself. He should turn around and find out. Just his head. But his eyes are glued to the dresser and his hands are frozen on the handles and oh no why can’t he just be grown up about this? He was drunk right? And there were sloppy makeouts. And sloppy…more. But that happens right? It was the alcohol. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just part of growing up. Getting drunk and doing…stuff…with your best bro. Experimenting was a thing. Right? He just has to check the bed. Dave’s probably not even there.  
John turns his head slightly. Then a little more. And then a little more. And then he’s looking at the bed. Tangled sheets. Scrunched up blankets. Long expanse of freckled back. And nope. Nope. Dave is still in the bed. Nope nope nope.  
John squeaks and then, horrified, claps his hand to his mouth. Too late though. There’s a low groan from the bed and Dave flops over. His eyes are slitted against the light coming in through the half open curtains and his hair is a honey-yellow mess against John’s white pillow case.  
“Egbert?” Dave asks, his voice low and groggy.  
“Uh, morning Dave,” John says, managing to keep from stammering.  
“’time is it?”  
John shrugs, “Dunno but Jade’s making pancakes.”  
Humming a little at that Dave rolls out of the bed, as John quickly turns back to the dresser, and grabs his jeans from where they’re resting at his feet. Tugging the pants on Dave looks at John who is frozen by his dresser. Exhaling audibly Dave looks around for his shirt.  
“We didn’t have sex you know. Not really. Not fully.”  
John nods a little and chews on his lip.  
“Yeah, I know. It’s just weird.”  
“Why? ‘cuz I’m a dude?”  
“That and you’re my friend. My best bro. Friends don’t do what we did Dave.”  
Smirking Dave scoops up his shirt from John’s desk, how’d it even get there?, and says “Actually they do. ‘Friends with Benefits’ is more than just one of Karkat’s shitty romcoms you know.”  
John chuckles a little at that and finally reaches into his dresser to grab a pair of sweat pants. He pulls them on as Dave finishes with his shirt and sits on the bed to pull on one of his socks that apparently came off at some point during the night.  
“So we cool Egbert?”  
Nodding vigorously John opens the door, “Yeah, sure. Now let’s go eat before all the food is gone!”  
They tromp down the stairs in companionable silence and wander into the kitchen to a sudden chorus of whoops and clapping and a whistle from Dirk that is so shrill John is certain his neighbours with dogs will be complaining. Cheeks flushing darkly John ducks out of the kitchen to hide in the study while Dave drops into a bow that bends him nearly in half. The laughter is good natured but John curls up on himself because he is going to die of absolute mortification. Oh. My. God. His friends are the absolute worst friends. Bad friends, worst morning ever. That may be the remnants of his hangover talking though.  
When his grumbling stomach and overwhelming desire for caffeine finally coax John out of the study the laughter has mostly died down into the occasional chuckle. He takes a seat at the breakfast bar and gladly accepts the empty cup Jade offers him. Before he accepts the simultaneously proffered carafe, John adds a splash of hazelnut creamer to his mug. Then he tops up the cup with a heavenly dark roast that their dad always buys from the local roaster. The force of the poured coffee was probably enough to mix in the creamer but John gives it a good stir with a spoon anyway. The first few sips are orgasmic, and John almost chokes at his brain’s choice of words because so not going there nope nope nope, and it’s starting to look like the day might not be half bad after all despite the various factors that conspired to ruin it earlier this morning. That is until Jade puts a pancake be-laden plate in front of him. In cursive that would have made their father SO PROUD Jade, or John assumes it was Jade, has written ‘Congrats on the Sex’ in homemade blueberry syrup.  
John blinks.  
Once.  
Twice.  
Again.  
Silence and then, yup everyone is laughing again. Jake’s guffaws are particularly grating to John as he hurriedly spreads the syrup all over the pancakes.  
“Everyone just shut up and leave me alone,” John grumbles, forking a chunk of pancake into his mouth, then mumbles half to himself, “Shoulda drawn dicks on your face once you passed out.”  
If anything this makes the rest of them laugh harder.  
“Why are ‘heterosexual’ human boys so obsessed with drawing human bulges on everything?” Terezi asks Jade, the air quotes audible.  
John muffles a groan in the background.  
“I have no idea! It’s really weird isn’t it?”  
“It’s ‘cuz they’re tryin’ ta smother their homosexy feelin’s,” replies Dirk, overdoing his usually faint accent, “Trust me, I’m an expert on all things homosexy.”  
John is certain Dirk winked. He can’t tell because of the dumb anime shades but he could tell. He felt it. Everything sucks.  
“Anyway Jake and I should probably take off.”  
“Sorry to eat and run coz,” Jake says to Jade, who flaps her hand at him.  
“Bye guys, have a good day!”  
John continues shoving pancakes into his mouth, and occasionally chewing, as his sister goes to see Dirk and Jake off. Dave pushes his plate away and turns to John.  
“Yo dude, me and TZ should take off too.”  
John swallows his mouthful to pout a little, “Really Dave? You’re leaving me already?”  
“Wow Egbert, didn’t realize you were so clingy. We had one beautiful night of majyyks and now we need to let it go. If you love something let it go. You need to let me go John. Let this bird spread his wings and turn into a majestic butterfly.”  
“Dave that doesn’t even make sense.”  
“Yeah, whatever. See ya later bro,” Dave says giving John a fist bump and then the queen’s wave as he tows Terezi after him out of the kitchen.  
John huffs a sigh and finishes his breakfast. Getting up he collects all the plates and dumps them into the sink. Putting the plug in and squeezing a copious quantity of dish soap onto the plates he turns the hot water tap onto full blast. Heading back to the breakfast bar John grabs his cooling coffee and takes a swig. Oh yes. Good coffee best drink.  
Once the sink is full of hot soapy water John puts his new cup of coffee down and turns off the taps. Foregoing rubber gloves John plunges his hands into the water groping around for the cloth. He pulls it out triumphantly as Jade comes back into the kitchen.  
“You wash I’ll dry?” She offers, grabbing the drain rack and a clean dish towel from underneath the sink.  
“Yeah, sounds good.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! I've changed the tags from "Mildly Dubious Consent" to "Dubious Consent" because they do the do and there's alcohol involved. I tried to portray it as consensually as possible but with alcohol involved...Well, I'd rather be safe than sorry. This chapter includes the smut that I was a jerk and totally jumped over with the second chapter. I'm sorry for doing that but it was too fun not to do. I'm sure you all understand. I hope you guys enjoy the conclusion!

The dishes don’t last long, this being a long practiced chore for the siblings by now. Jade puts the last of the dishes away as John stirs another cup of coffee and creamer, the steam gently wafting from its surface.

“So I think we should tackle the living room next, it’s not too bad but there’s some garbage in there that Dad won’t be happy about,” Jade says, drying off her hands and draping the dish towel over the oven handle.

John nods and, cradling his mug, follows Jade into the living room. There are empty pop cans strewn about as well as the remnants of wrapping paper, confetti, wilting balloons, and a sagging HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!! banner on the wall, and is that a dirty plate under the coffee table? That’s a dirty plate under the coffee table. John huffs out a sigh. This was the not-so-fun aftermath of parties which is probably why he doesn’t have them more often.

“Come on John, this won’t take long with both of us cleaning!”

“Uuuuuuuugh.”

“Stop it! Put your coffee down and then start with the cans, I’ll deal with the confetti.”

Before putting down the coffee John takes a fortifying gulp. Okay, cans. Yeah. He can handle that. While Jade heads off to the broom closet John grabs a nearby box to start tossing the empty cans into. One. Two. Twelve. Thirteen. Nineteen. Twenty-three? How much soda had everyone drank last night? Shaking his head John picks up the overflowing box of cans and heads out to the garage where they go in their bin until the next time someone goes to the bottle depot. It would probably be Dad. It usually was anyway. That’s not important right now.

Slumping back into the house John pauses in the living room entranceway as Jade finishes sweeping up the confetti and bits of wrapping paper. She looks up from the bright pile of whimsical paper to smile at John. Her smile fades when John doesn’t reciprocate, brushing her hair back she stands from her crouch.

“Hey, are you okay? Hung over still?”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess,” John shrugs, “it’s not so bad.”

“Ah. Then is this about Dave?”

“What? No!”

“Are you sure John? It’s okay if it is. I mean, I don’t really know what happened but you can talk about it if you want. Just-no details okay?”

“Oh my god Jade I am not talking to you about this! It’s fine, nothing is wrong!” John says, throwing his hands up, “Bluh, we still need to take down that stupid banner, give me a hand?”

“You’re changing the subject.”

“Yeah,” John replies, “I know. Now please help me with the banner?”

 

_Their lips press together and part, press together and part. The room is dark and the only sound is slick flesh on flesh and heavy breathing._

_“John, seriously, are you cool with this?” Dave asks as they separate briefly, “we’ve both had a fair bit to drink.”_

_“Yes, yes, yes,” John pants into Dave’s skin as he mouths his way up the blonde’s neck, “more kissing. Less talking.”_

_“A’ight, you’re the birthday boy.”_

_Lips press together again and John smothers a moan as Dave’s tongue swipes against his lower lip. His mouth opens to the gentle question and answers with a soft press of his own tongue. Dave licks his way into John’s mouth, deepening the kiss and threading his hand through dark hair. John’s hands flutter from Dave’s waist to his hips to his shoulders, finally clenching in the soft fabric of his shirt._

_“Dave,” the word is a soft whine coming from spit slick lips._

_“I know,” Dave whispers back, dropping his other hand to skim along John’s waist._

_Finding the hem of John’s shirt, Dave’s callused fingers creep up until they meet skin._

_“We still good?”_

_“Yes. Dave, yes, more.”_

_Fingers untangle from John’s hair to drop down and join the other hand that is now working John’s shirt off. Despite his hampered coordination John tries to help by wriggling out of his shirt as much as he can. It catches briefly on his elbow and he flails until Dave eases the fabric away from the offending appendage. It pops off and gets dropped to the floor without a second thought. John’s glasses were knocked half off his face so he quickly tugs them off and sets them on his night table out of harm’s way. As he does, Dave’s hands come up to trace the lines of his shoulders and clasp behind his neck. This kiss is soft, sweet. The barest press of lips before Dave pulls back again._

_“Your turn,” John murmurs, chasing Dave’s lips for a moment before giving up to tug at his shirt._

_The shirt peels off and John tosses it across the room. They both stand a moment in silence, not touching, drinking in the sight of each other from the dim illumination of streetlamps through the open curtains. In the weak light the freckles John knows are scattered like constellations across Dave’s shoulders and chest are invisible, hidden by the gloom despite the paleness of his skin. John’s own bronzed skin gives way to pools of deeper shadow, a hint of hair across his chest and trailing from his navel. The quiet moment is shattered as John pulls in a ragged breath and launches himself back at Dave, lips bruising and hands tangling in the short strands of hair at the nape of Dave’s neck._

 

“John?”

John startles, “What?”

“Are you okay? You totally zoned out, I just said your name like three times!”

“Oh, yeah I’m okay. Just tired I guess,” John looks down and prods at a stain in the carpet with his toe, they’ll have to figure out how to get rid of that before Dad gets back from his business trip, “and uh, just kinda thinking about last night? A little.”

John keeps his eyes down as his face heats up. He wasn’t really sure what to think. It didn’t help that the memories were hazy. Partially because of the alcohol but also partially because his glasses were off. He had agreed, and he had wanted to do it last night but this morning…everything was confusing now. He thought maybe he would have been more okay with it if he woke up next to a stranger. But Dave was his bro! His best friend. It’s confusing and growing up is hard. It’s hard and no one understands.

Which is, perhaps, not the most mature response but no one has ever accused John of possessing an overabundance of maturity.

“John,” Jade starts, worrying at her lower lip with her teeth.

“No. No it’s cool, it’s fine. Let’s just finish cleaning up okay?” John suggests with a half shrug, “I’m probably just being tired and over dramatic. I’ll feel better after I get some more sleep.”

Jade’s eyebrows pull in and up for a moment before she relaxes her face and nods. Her lip still finds its way between her teeth whenever she sneaks a sidelong glance at her little brother. She’d like to help but meddling probably wouldn’t be welcome at this point. All she can do is wait John out, and be there for him if he needs her. She also makes a mental note to ask Dave just what the hell he was thinking when he decided drunken sex with John was a good idea. But that’ll have to wait.

 

_Dave’s hands come up to John’s shoulders and push lightly, breaking their clasp long enough to catch their breath. He leans his head forward to rest on John’s shoulder as his fingertips slowly stroke up and down the length of the taller man’s torso._

_“D’you have a condom?”_

_John’s brows furrow, “Why?”_

_“Because I wanna suck your dick but no way am I doing that without a condom unless you’re going to ring up your doctor, get her to make an immediate house call, test you for any freaky diseases –hell might as well check me out while we’re at it –and then bend the time-space continuum so that shit gets done yesterday,” one pale eyebrow cocks up over the slightly askew shades still stubbornly clinging to Dave’s face, “Can you do that? No? Then I repeat, do you have a condom?”_

_“Uh,” John clears his throat, “yeah. Yeah, I do. I’ll uh, go get that then?”_

_Dave hums an affirmation as he readjusts his shades for a moment before removing them and placing them gently on John’s dresser. He turns to John who is rummaging in the top drawer of his computer desk. After a moment he pulls out a foil package and turns back to Dave with a small smile._

_“So, how do we…?”_

_John’s cheeks heat up from nerves or desire or alcohol, he’s not sure which it is or, perhaps more accurately, in what combination. He spares a moment to be thankful that his complexion doesn’t show his flush as easily as Dave’s would, it still shows but it’s not like he’s a tomato or anything! Dave smirks at him and oh no. His skin feels on fire and he concentrates on breathing. Air. He needs air to live. He can do this. Breathing isn’t hard. Except for when it is. Like now. Dave sweeps his arm toward the bed and John stumbles over._

_“Think it would be easiest if you’re sitting, then I don’t have to worry about you falling on me.”_

_The words are teasing and so are Dave’s lips as he tilts his head up to peck the corner of John’s mouth. John shifts the angle slightly and gently nips at Dave’s bottom lip and then it is tongues and heavy breathing and wandering hands that follow the lines of muscles and cup ribs and drag blunt nails from nape down. Down to faded denim and then around. Dave dips his fingers just under the waistband of John’s pants for a moment before pulling them back out to rest on the button._

_“This still cool bro?”_

_“Oh my god Dave yes! Please stop asking!”_

_“No promises,” Dave says, smirking, as he pops open the button._

_The zipper comes down in a painfully slow drag, then the pressure is gone and Dave tugs John’s pants off. John’s breath hitches as Dave palms him through the thin material of his boxers. When Dave pulls his hand away John twitches his hips forward with an involuntary whine, chasing friction. Dave smirks, waggling a finger at John, stepping back just out of arms reach to undo his own pants. Hooking his thumbs into the waist band he wiggles them down his hips with an accompanying eyebrow waggle._

_“Dave, get over here you loser.”_

_“Take off your boxers first,” Dave replies, kicking his own pants off the rest of the way to stand there clad only in plain black boxer briefs and sport socks._

_An instant of hesitation, wherein John tucks his lower lip between his teeth, and then hormones win out. John pushes down his boxers and kicks them away from where he’s still standing next to his bed. There’s a moment while he waits that he can feel his flush creep up to the tips of his ears and down his neck and chest and then Dave is up against him again, kissing and sucking at John’s neck and beneath his ear. Dave’s rough hands brush up John’s chest to his shoulders and push. John goes down; legs boneless and spread as he falls onto his duvet._

_Dropping to his knees Dave holds out his left hand, “Condom.”_

_John’s fingers slowly unfurl from the foil packet they had clenched around. He reaches out to tip the condom from his palm into Dave’s. Long fingers tear it open and then quickly, but smoothly, roll the blue latex down the length of John’s cock. John supports himself with shaking hands as he leans back and widens his legs a little more. Dave grins up at him, a flash of white teeth in a freckled face. Dave rests his hands on John’s legs and squeezes gently._

_“John relax, sit back and give thanks for what you’re about to receive. Spoilers; it’s a blow job.”_

_John huffs out a small laugh and reaches up to stroke a hand through Dave’s hair, “Shut up Dave.”_

_With a jaunty two-fingered salute Dave leans forward to run his tongue up the length of John’s dick. The fingers in Dave’s hair tighten as John inhales sharply. Dave’s lips quirk up into a small smile as he presses open mouthed kisses along John’s cock and inner thighs. The tip of his tongue teases its way up the crease of John’s thigh to his hip. He sucks gently on the flesh before nipping at it and then soothing it with the flat of his tongue. Above him John whines softly, fingers tensing and relaxing around the strands of Dave’s hair._

_Dave reaches up with one hand to fondle John’s balls as his mouth works over a patch of skin on the other hip._

_“Dave stop teasing oh my god!”_

_Humming around the flesh he’s working with his teeth Dave’s hand moves up from John’s scrotum and gives his cock a languid stroke. Two more strokes and his hand is moving again, working its way up John’s stomach to his pecs where he rubs his thumb roughly against one of John’s nipples. John jerks, startled, but then Dave’s mouth wraps around the head of his cock and there’s suction and yes. Hell yes. John strokes trembling fingers through Dave’s hair, marveling at the softness of the fine strands. He lets out a shaky exhale that’s followed by a quiet moan as Dave swipes his tongue around the head._

_Taking John’s breathy moan as encouragement Dave starts bobbing his head, taking a little more of John’s thick cock with each downward stroke. John tries to keep still but can’t help the small upward thrusts he makes with his hips. His head falls back with one arm locked behind him on the bed for support. His breathing is erratic, heavy but shallow gasps, as moans drip from his lips increasing in volume and length the farther back into Dave’s throat he goes._

_The hand not currently fondling John’s chest slides up to his hip and presses down as Dave relaxes his throat and encompasses John’s dick from tip to base. His fingers squeeze to warn John into stillness as he swallows around him. There’s a twitch of the strong muscles under his fingers but John stays remarkably still as he gives a shuddery cry._

_“Oh god. Dave, yes. So good, more, please more. Dave,” the words trip out in a jumble as John tries to control the muscles twitching in his thighs, “please, please, Dave, oh god, please!”_

_Dave pulls back up, swallowing again once John’s length isn’t clogging his throat anymore. The hand on John’s chest comes down to wrap around his base and stroke the length that Dave can’t reach as easily with his mouth. Hand and mouth work in tandem; stroke down, then a long pull with suction on the upstroke. John’s hand clenches, tangled in Dave’s hair, and pulls. Dave moans around the cock in his mouth and hitches his hips forward. Finding nothing to rub against, his free hand comes down to palm at the front of his boxers._

_Dave pulls off with a soft pop and turns his head to pant against John’s thigh as his hand strokes up the whole of John’s length. He gives his own cock a squeeze before trailing small bites and sucking kisses along John’s thighs._

_“Come on John, come on. Cum for me,” the words are muffled against warm, sweat slick skin._

_John’s head lolls back as he tries to keep track of all the sensations that keep coming at him like fuzzy snapshots. Dave’s fingers wrapped around his dick, just the right amount of pressure. Silky hair tangled around his fingers. A deep, urgent coiling in his abdomen. The humidity; sweat and panted breaths and everything is hot damp heat breath and the smell of sex. Lips and teeth and tongue sliding across skin and muscle, pain and soothing pressure. The moans and whimpers issuing from his lips between hard won breaths. It’s so much, too much. His head and limbs fuzzy. Everything fuzzy. Soft. Hot. Dave’s lips wrap around the head of his cock again and suck and he’s gone. Everything fades out as he comes with a strangled cry._

_After a moment his breathing slows slightly and he untangles his hand from Dave’s hair. Using just his fingertips he rubs small circles into Dave’s scalp to help soothe the abused tissue. Dave smiles up at him from where he’s resting his cheek against John’s thigh._

_“Good?” Dave asks._

_John nods, not trusting his voice yet. With a small grimace he reaches down to pull the used condom off of his softening cock. After tying it off, he tosses it into the nearby garbage bin. He keeps his fingers in Dave’s hair, petting the strands, as he clears his throat. His other hand closes around Dave’s bicep and tugs._

_“Get up here,” He whispers._

_Dave rises to meet John’s lips._

 

All the party related cleaning handled, John makes his way back up stairs. He still has a load of laundry to do before Dad gets home and he should probably take out his garbage as well. He strips his bed and takes it down the hall to shove in the machine. He goes back to his room to collect an armful of dirty clothes that were strewn across the floor and dumps those into the washer too. He doesn’t bother separating out the whites from the colours from the darks and Dad would be disappointed but John really couldn’t care all that much. Still, he puts the wash cycle on cold/cold so there’s less chance of colour bleed between the fabrics.

That finished he goes to the linen cupboard to get fresh bedding. It goes into a heap in the middle of the bed and John curls up on it. It smells nice. He should make the bed. But what’s a few minutes right? In fact a nap sounds pretty good to John at this point so he rolls around a little to get more comfortable. His eyes close without much prompting but his mind isn’t as willing to drift off.

Instead of dwelling on the same things he probably will for the next week or so anyway, he gets up and ties up his trash bag. Down the stairs again and out to the garage. He deposits the bag in the garbage can and heads back to the kitchen to grab a new bag for his bin. Jade is in the living room watching television as he passes by again. She shifts and looks up at him as he passes but doesn’t say anything. John is grateful. He goes up the stairs again and briefly considers the idea of getting a stair lift but decides that, while it would be easier, it would take a lot longer. Not to mention Dad probably wouldn’t go for it in the first place.

Back in his room, John puts the bag in his bin and folds the top over the edge. Instead of collapsing onto the pile of linens again, even though he’d like to, John makes his bed. Then he paces around the room for a minute or so before deciding he might as well get the rest of his dirty laundry off the floor. He tosses them into the hamper hiding in his closet and shuts the door.

There. Better. Well, cleaner at least. He sits on the bed, hands clasping between his knees. He doesn’t want to think about it but he can’t forget. Dave’s hands, Dave’s mouth, Dave’s hair. He wasn’t a homosexual but, well. John sighs. He’s not a homosexual but he’s pretty sure he isn’t straight either. Last night really just went to drive that point home. He’d wondered about it before of course, but there had been no men to back up his suspicions. Maybe, he admits, that was on purpose. Being straight sure was easier.

 

_Dave rests his knees on either side of John’s waist. One hand cups the nape of John’s neck pulling his face closer, his mouth tighter, and they kiss like the sun won’t rise in the morning or some other poetic bullshit._

_(Really they kiss like two drunk horny adults, hot and loose and sloppy. Neither one of them gives a single fuck.)_

_Dave grinds his cock up against John’s abs, his breath hitching as he finds a good rhythm. John grips Dave’s hips and pulls him closer. Dave’s teeth close over John’s bottom lip and tug it, teasing. John groans into his mouth and he tightens his hands, fingers sure to leave bruises. One hand lets go and slides around to cup Dave through his boxers. Dave’s hips stutter and then jerk even harder into John’s hand._

_“John please, for the love of fuck, touch my dick,” Dave says, eyes unfocused and clouded with lust._

_John swallows and nods a little and slips his hand under the elastic band of Dave’s underwear. It’s not too different from touching his own cock he decides as he brushes his palm across the tip and closes his fingers around the shaft. Maybe a little longer? And thinner? Also, he can feel a dick in his hand but not a hand on his dick. That’s different too. The angle is odd, and a little uncomfortable for his wrist, but he gives a tentative stroke anyway. When Dave moans John can feel it against his lips and where their chests were pressed together._

_That was…That was kinda cool actually. So he strokes again. And again. And just like that he’s jerking off his best bro. He pushes down the brief moment of rising panic to focus on the really neat sounds Dave is making and the feel of twitching muscles against his own and the snap of hips into his hand. Their mouths break apart and Dave pants damp air onto John’s shoulder when he tightens his grip and twists his wrist._

_The air vibrates against John’s skin as Dave mumbles words into his shoulder, “I gotta, I’m gunna,” the words are cut off with a groan as Dave’s cock throbs and he releases into John’s hand._

_John pulls his hand out of Dave’s underwear as he reaches for the conveniently placed box of tissues on his night stand. Dave is dead weight slumped on top of John as he scrubs the jizz off his hand._

_“Dave?”_

_“Mmh?”_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“Mhmm.”_

_“Are you, uh, planning on moving anytime soon?”_

_“Nope.”_

_John sighs, tossing the tissue in the direction of the trash bin._

_“Come on Dave. You’re heavy!”_

_The blonde man grumbles but flops over sideways; further onto the bed and off of John. John rolls his eyes but flops over next to Dave. He’s feeling so tired and Dave is so warm. He manages to wiggle under the blankets and pokes at Dave until he does the same. Then he curls up against Dave’s back as his eyes drift closed. He’ll just rest them for a moment and then they’ll both get cleaned up. In just a minute. Maybe five._

 

The washing machine buzzes and John shakes his head. Getting up and heading down the hall he moves the laundry from the washer to the dryer. He decides to take that nap after all. He didn’t have nearly enough sleep last night. He smiles as he tugs the blankets up to his chin. Maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again I just have to say a huge thank you to my best friend for letting me write her idea. This was a lot of fun to do even though I neglected the crap out of it for five billion years. This is my longest work to date and I'm pretty proud of it. Thank you all for reading! You can find me on tumblr if you'd like: [squiddlesandsopor](http://squiddlesandsopor.tumblr.com/).


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